Have you ever found that when you start noticing your partner’s irritating habit you can find so many more things that irritate you? Things they do and things they say… And, then you notice that stain on the carpet that just won’t come out. And, even worse is how horrible the weather has been, lately. And, did you see the news!?
On and on and pretty soon you realize how hard your life really is – everything’s confused and everything is complicated…
Actually, it’s really a whole lot better than you think it is! I hear you arguing with me, “it really is that bad; if you only knew how bad it was for me, you’d agree, too” (you think to yourself).
I can guarantee you that it’s much better than you’re seeing it to be. Oh, wait, did you catch what I just wrote “much better than you’re seeing it to be”…?
You know how I know I’m right? Because when I’m focusing on, i.e. seeing, so many negative (or irritating or horrible) things in my life, it’s because I’m looking at these negatives with so much more energy and intensity than the energy and intensity I’m looking at the positives with. And “what you see is what you get (more of)”.
I get it; believe me I really do. When everything’s so bad, you just don’t have it in you to feel happy about anything.
The real kicker is that it got “so bad”, because you forgot to notice how good it really is. When you choose to focus on the negatives, you get more of them. When you choose to focus on the positives, you get more of those. There’s a reason Oprah says:
Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough. – Oprah
The reason you get more of what you focus on is in part because you are continually training your brain to look for specific data in your environment – data that matches what you consistently talk about, think about and focus on. The training is happening all the time, every moment of every day, there’s no way to stop it. You can only change what you tell your brain to look for, i.e. change the criteria it uses to filter the data in your environment.
Another way to look at it, is to imagine that you’re looking at a picture on your computer screen. You can zoom in (or focus on) a section of the picture. When you zoom in on that section, the rest of the picture disappears from your screen. That invisible part still exists, though, right? It’s still there. You just stopped looking at it. So, when you zoom in on the negatives in your life, you make the positives disappear. The positives still exist, though, right?! You just stopped looking at the positives.
If you want to see how good you have it, start making yourself zoom out from the negatives and scan the rest of the picture of your life for positives. As I said before, I guarantee that you can find something good and positive and right in your life and those around you. When you find that first thing, just keep looking around and zooming further out in your life so you can see even more of the good in your life.
What you see is truly what you get…
If you have trouble finding the good or the positive or are looking to bring even more positives into your life, I’m here to help. Just ask.