Desire, that is.
While this may seem obvious, have you noticed that when you decide to do something that you think you “should” do or to satisfy someone else, you sometimes have very little enthusiasm, i.e. desire, to get it done?
On the flip side, though, when you decide to do something that really excites you, the desire for it helps you get it done.
I’ve noticed with my coaching clients that when they set goals such as a certain amount of money or a certain car without an emotional attachment to it, they rarely achieve it. I’ve spent some time evaluating that and realized that we rarely have a strong desire for a set amount of money, even when we say that it is the most important thing to us. However, what we usually DO have a strong desire for is those things that we are going to be able to do with the money. I heard someone being coached once who had a goal of increasing his business income from $1 million to $5 million. The coach asked a series of questions to understand what the increase meant to the man. After several rounds of questions, the man indicated that when he reached that, he would be able to take enough time for himself that he could spend it with his little daughter. As he spoke that, he began to cry. That’s how important it was to him to be able to be with his daughter. Now, you may make many judgments about this man and his story. And, I’d ask you to stop judging him and instead begin to see the real dynamic of desire in this story. If his coach had simply let him have his goal be reaching $5 million and stay focused only on that, it is unlikely that he’d have achieved it. However, because the coach got him to unearth his true desire, a desire that was linked to such deep emotion, suddenly his chances of achieving it increased exponentially.
So, why does connecting with the desire increase the likelihood of achieving our goals?
Stop for a moment and think of something you’ve recently done or added to your list that you know has little impact on your real goal. When you are honest with yourself, you realize that there is very little desire to accomplish it.
Now, take a moment to think of something on your list that has a good chance of contributing to your real goal. Now, connect with the “real reason” behind that goal–the emotional reason. Keep focused on the emotional “why” long enough until you are sure you have deeply connected with the emotions of your “why”. Now, look back at the item on your list. How do you feel about getting that done?
Usually, it’s much easier to get things done when they are connected with a true desire–an emotional “why”.
Take some time this week to write down what the emotional “why” is behind the goals you have for your life and your business. If you are having some trouble connecting with that, keep taking 15 minute sessions to explore it for yourself. Keep asking “why is that important” as you go on your archeological expedition. I’m here if you need some help with that. Usually, we can get to the “bottom” of your “why” in a single session.