I offer single coaching sessions which I call “Clear the Path” sessions. In these coaching calls, the issues that I work on with clients are really diverse. We work on anything from overwhelm, time management, and staff issues to general dissatisfaction and many in between.
A common thread that I’ve noticed is a general self-criticism. At the core, you often find fault with yourself and focus on your inadequacies. The feelings of a lack of self-worth are amazingly frequent.
And, I can tell you that in every case, you are being much too hard on yourself.
And, what we focus on grows — so when we focus on our mistakes and faults, guess what, we find even more of them.
Instead, let us focus on what we have done that is correct and loving and valuable. You have a better chance of improving when you focus on what you’ve done “right” and how to do more of it.
Recently, I saw the movie “Magic of Ordinary Days”. In it, the main character tells his wife that she needs to forgive herself. (Watch the movie yourself for the whole story)
How many events in your past do you still think about and feel responsible for? What did people in your past blame you for that was exaggerated and simply not valid? What blame do you carry around with you, still?
Blame and shame from your past hang around in your beliefs and emotions until you forgive yourself (and others). The drain on your energy holds you back from many joys and from a heart completely filled with love.
Only when your heart is filled with love — for yourself first and then for others — do you experience complete joy.
Once you’ve cleared your inner space, you can attract your idea life vision easier, because often the “vibe” of your resentments keeps people away — it just feels unpleasant to them. Your clear energy is going to feel great. People are attracted to those who exude inner peace and happiness. Give it a shot and see what happens for you!
This week, take some time to look at what you might need to forgive yourself for. Sometimes, the events that come up for you are things that others blamed you for or called you names about — even though there was nothing that you did “wrong”. These stored feelings of blame still make an impact until you’ve forgiven all aspects of it. Once you’ve identified something, take some time to begin the forgiveness work. I’ve listed several resources, in the Suggested Resource section below, that you might work with if you’re having some trouble forgiving.
Important notes on forgiveness:
- Forgiveness is for you and for your inner peace and your health.
- There is no need to communicate forgiveness directly to the person you are working to forgive.
- Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you.
- Forgiveness is not about condoning their actions.
- Forgiving brings almost immediate increase in energy as though you had been carrying a load of heavy weights which you have dropped — notice how much lighter and freer you feel.
- If forgiving a particular person is difficult because of how hurtful their action was, you might be able to forgive the person instead of the hurtful action.
- Each person — including YOU — is a divine being.
- God has already forgiven you — when will you forgive yourself?
Here are some resources which you can find either in my Amazon store or your local library (remember the interlibrary exchange system).
Dr. Fred Luskin’s book “Forgive for Good” describes a process he used and has subjected to several research studies. Dr. Luskin holds a Ph.D. in Counseling and Health Psychology from Stanford University and continues to serve as Director of the Stanford Forgiveness Projects, an ongoing series of workshops and research projects that investigate the effectiveness of his forgiveness methods on a variety of populations. His website also lists “9 Steps to Forgiveness” as well as articles, descriptions of his research studies and results, and other books he’s written.
Louise L. Hay, an amazing woman who has changed many lives, has written several books. She shares much about the benefits of forgiving. In her book, “You Can Heal Your Life”, on pages 76-79 (at the end of Chapter 7, How to Change), she describes several exercises you can use to forgive.
Doreen Virtue’s (Ph.D. psychotherapist) book “Healing with the Angels” includes a section near the end of her book “Forgiveness, Free Yourself Now Exercise” which describes a simple exercise for forgiveness. She also describes “The Corral Visualization” which helps to let go of resentments.