Do you notice that in some situations you simply feel “less than” or insecure? Yet, in other situations you feel confident and capable? Have you ever felt frustrated that you can feel so confident in so many situations and yet still feel small and insecure in others?
I call this Situational Self-Esteem. This means that in some situations your self-esteem is high — you feel confident — and in other situations your self-esteem is lower — you feel insecure. For most of us, this is our reality.
Have you seen that TV commercial for a supplement (the name escapes me) which shows people walking around with holes in their bodies that are then filled in when they take the supplement providing the missing vitamins? I looked for the video on the net so you could see what I mean and was unable to find it… That image comes up for me when I think about Situational Self-esteem. In some situations, our self-esteem has holes in it which can be filled in with the proper “supplements”, such as affirmations or other processes that help us change our beliefs.
In order to be whole, those holes (low self-esteem situations) need to be filled in.
Low self-esteem holds us back from living a whole life. We miss opportunities because we hold back. The fear of being rejected or told “you’re not good enough” keeps us from living “full out”. Reading about and listening to successful people convinces me that a successful life is one that is lived “full out” — giving it all we’ve got. Feelings of being “less than” keep us from giving all situations and people the full power and potential that we are. This most certainly holds us back.
A Facebook friend shared this video which highlighted how much we can achieve when we grow the confidence to “go all out”. This young man talks about how when people have said things to him it has taken a piece out of him — remember those holes I talked about before? — and how Charlotte has helped him regain confidence.
There are many techniques and tools we can use to support and strengthen self-esteem in certain situations that give us trouble. I’ve listed a few books in the resources section, below, that I like. I’ve been able to help several people through private coaching sessions. Also, a number of therapies can be effective:
- Guided Imagery
- Spiritual Practice
- EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) – here’s a video about using EFT to enhance self-worth
- Gratitude Journal
- Good article on self-worth enhancement
May you be confident and strong in ALL situations!
Take a few minutes and think of a situation that you recently experienced where you felt uncertain, uncomfortable or insecure. Once you have that experience in mind, look at it from an objective place and notice what feelings of lack or insecurity you might have been experiencing. Pick a technique from the list above (or another one you like) and practice it specifically around that situation and those feelings. See how much you can improve your confidence in future situations.
Here are several books (links to my Amazon store) that might be useful to you. You might also like the links I’ve provided above in the list of therapies or techniques.
The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence by Robert Anthony
Beyond Positive Thinking: A No-Nonsense Formula for Getting the Results You Want by Robert Anthony (this goes much deeper than simple positive thinking into ways to change the underlying beliefs)
Psycho-Cybernetics, A New Way to Get More Living Out of Life by Maxwell Maltz