I’ve read that you can’t have an attitude and keep it a secret.
Essentially, if you have an attitude about someone, they feel it and react to it. The feeling and subsequent reaction are usually subconscious, i.e. outside of their conscious awareness. You know that it’s true, though, because sometimes you meet someone or interact with someone and there is a feeling of some kind of discomfort. Sometimes, you wonder what it is, because you have no issue with them. It may be that they have an issue with you, and so you simply feel uncomfortable or out of place.
What does this have to do with you and your success?
For example, someone does something you disagree with or avoids doing tasks that are important for you. So, how do you feel about that? If you choose to ignore it or dance around dealing with it, you end up with festering feelings of resentment or frustration about them. So, the next time you meet with them, what are you feeling? If there is a silent resentment or frustration, they feel it. Then, it triggers a protection mechanism in them that causes them to be resentful or rebelliously defend their position. Do you think that the meeting has a high likelihood of ending successfully? The right answer is a resounding “No!”.
I counter that with questions that guide you to an understanding of how your attitude about the situation is actually responsible for making it worse. If you really want better results and resolution of the situation, you need to drop your attitude in the trash bin and start over with a clean slate. At the very least, the slate needs to neutral. At the very best, the slate needs to show positive regard and respect for the divine in an individual and compassion for the pain in them that is likely causing their “bad” behavior. Only then, do you have the beginnings of successful resolution.
Using these principles, I was able to help 2 people resolve a several month-long dispute that had them angry and resentful ready to pursue legal action against one another. By helping them focus on what they really wanted and focus on the respect that had begun their relationship, I was able to help them resolve it amicably and walk away interested in referring clients back and forth. That after only 3 hours of mediation! The attitude piece is the foundation of such success.
Hopefully, your situation is much easier. Most situations can be resolved by shifting your attitude about it and stepping back to observe from a distance. This allows you to “see” the situation more clearly and be willing to understand what’s really causing the issue. Then, resolution can begin.
Only when you are able to step back from anger instead of hanging on to it because it’s justified, do your life and work relationships become easy and productive.
Pull back your negative, blaming energy and replace it with compassion and respect, and the path through life becomes pleasant and successful.
People are naturally attracted to you when you approach all situations with ease, grace and peace. When they are attracted to you, opportunities flow easily to you and life becomes more of a joy.
Take a look at your relationships with co-workers, staff, friends and family. With whom do you have a “challenged” relationship?
I challenge you to step back and observe your latest frustrating interaction. Write down how you felt, how they acted, and what words were spoken in judgment or anger.
The next step is to write down how you would like the relationship to be. Do you want it to be peaceful? Does it need to be more productive at work?
Then, write down what you respect about them. (Note: It’s an excuse to cop out and say that there is nothing you can find to respect! There is something, even if it is small and seemingly insignificant, that you can find. If you’re having trouble with this one, schedule a free consult with me, and we can work out a plan for you to resolve this.)
Make a list of different ways you can approach this person. What kind of an attitude are you willing to take on? (Remember, your attitude is your CHOICE; only you have control over it!) What questions could you ask them to learn more about what’s behind their actions and behavior and attitude toward you?
Report in the comments below what suggestions you have or what you’ve tried that’s worked!
The book by Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends and Influence People“, is an “oldie but goodie”. His focus is on how to approach people in ways that make your path easier. The “energy” aspect is missing, and, yet, I have found it to be a valuable resource.