When you are having a discussion, do you look to make sure that you have the “last comment”?
Do you go to your computer to research and find supporting info for your opinion? Do you send that rationale to the person you were talking with to show them that you were “right”?
I am guessing that when you stop to think about it you can remember at least one time that you have done that. For many of you, it might even be a regular thing. I catch myself doing it sometimes, too.
Recently, I watched an interaction between 2 people who were doing the “I’m right, and you’re wrong” dance. It was interesting to watch the back and forth about who was right. All the aspects were there from eye-rolling to the “tsk” sounds. Each person’s lack of respect for the other person was obvious. What I noticed most was how little benefit there was for either person in this dance.
It got me thinking about what drives the need to be “right”.
The need to be “right” comes from a need to feel good about yourself. When you can show that you are right and someone else is wrong, then you have just proven to yourself and them that you are better/smarter/faster than they are. Feeling better/smarter/faster makes you feel good – at least for a little while – until the next discussion or argument – and the cycle starts over again.
At the heart of these interactions is my favorite root cause which is some level of “I am not good enough”. I call it my favorite root cause, because a feeling of “being less than” is the culprit in most unpleasant or painful interactions between people. I know it has been in my life, and I see the effects of it in many other lives, too.
When I work with my clients, I see how much easier life is when they resolve their feelings of “less than”. When you feel good about yourself, it is easier to get what you want. You know how much to give and still make sure that you have enough for yourself. You naturally know what your boundaries are and how to communicate them. Others feel at ease around you.
Feeling great about yourself is something that comes from a stepwise process of self-improvement. It comes from making one small change followed by another small change. Someone once said that it is about making a 5% improvement and then another and another. To get to the top of the staircase, you go one step at a time.
Make a commitment to yourself that you are going to watch your interactions with others and notice the next time you are working hard to convince someone of your opinion. Stop what you are saying. Then, let them be “right” and see if your world ends. Most likely, you are still alive after giving them the “right”. Then, pick up the book below and work his suggestions for yourself. If you need some help recognizing how valuable you are, contact me for a free consult so that you can begin to enjoy the benefits of peaceful and effective interactions with others.
This book in my Amazon store is a wonderful resource for exercises to feel better about yourself.
The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence by Robert Anthony